Our Pumpkin Vine Is A Super Villain

We’re having a strange year in the garden. It’s a boom and bust year, all rolled into one. I’m particularly puzzled because we’ve had plenty of warm sunny weather, coupled with lots of rain. The weeds and the lawn seem to think we have prime growing conditions, but not all the plants are happy.

In particular, the tomatoes and peppers are looking pathetic. Shriveled and cranky, they look they other way when I come by to water them, sneering at my attempts to get them to grow. Despite all the water, they look desiccated all the time. We will be lucky to get a handful of tomatoes this year, which is a big change after last year’s tomato extravaganza.

On the other hand, the zucchini, summer squash, and cucumbers are cranking out the veggies faster than we can eat them. It won’t be long before I’ll be approaching complete strangers and begging them to take my zucchini — please!

Zukes and cukes and squash! Oh my!
Zukes and cukes and squash! Oh my!

The most frightening thing of all is the pumpkin plant. We started with a cute little baby plant, innocent and sweet, an adorable set of leaves we cooed over with anticipation.

Our baby pumpkin plant only looks innocent...
Our baby pumpkin plant only looks innocent…

The tag with the variety and care instructions on it failed to mention that this particular strain belongs to the group of vines known as “Super Villains”, aka “World Dominators”. Our pumpkin is turning into a land-grabbing monster and taking over the backyard.

...but it has plans. BIG plans!
…but it has plans. BIG plans!

It’s not the only vine going wild on us. The cucumbers and grape vines are its henchmen, imitating their power-hungry leader by growing right over any plants that get in their way.



We keep trying to shift the pumpkin vines so that they are growing over bare ground, but it’s spreading in every direction. I don’t know if our sweet potatoes or watermelons are going to survive the Attack of the Pumpkin Vine. It’s growing right over them and may swallow up the mound we thought it would share. Apparently it doesn’t care who it has to take out in order to achieve its dreams.

You have to be brutal if you’re going to rule the world.

2 thoughts on “Our Pumpkin Vine Is A Super Villain”

  1. Wow! (We’ve had some vegetable weirdness here too, in the UK. Unlike yours, my courgettes (aka zucchini) are small and sulky. The tomatoes and potatoes are happy, but the lettuces Just Don’t Want To Know. Weird.

    1. My sister says gardening is an experiment, so I figure if anything is working, we’re doing OK. I envy you the tomatoes! We’ve had a whopping 6 cherry tomatoes all summer. We are trying to grow sweet potatoes for the first time and the vines are doing OK (except that the pumpkin is trying to make them obey it’s evil orders). Sorry to hear you aren’t getting any courgettes or lettuce. They are some of the best parts of growing your own.

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