We’re having a strange year in the garden. It’s a boom and bust year, all rolled into one. I’m particularly puzzled because we’ve had plenty of warm sunny weather, coupled with lots of rain. The weeds and the lawn seem to think we have prime growing conditions, but not all the plants are happy.
In particular, the tomatoes and peppers are looking pathetic. Shriveled and cranky, they look they other way when I come by to water them, sneering at my attempts to get them to grow. Despite all the water, they look desiccated all the time. We will be lucky to get a handful of tomatoes this year, which is a big change after last year’s tomato extravaganza.
On the other hand, the zucchini, summer squash, and cucumbers are cranking out the veggies faster than we can eat them. It won’t be long before I’ll be approaching complete strangers and begging them to take my zucchini — please!
The most frightening thing of all is the pumpkin plant. We started with a cute little baby plant, innocent and sweet, an adorable set of leaves we cooed over with anticipation.
The tag with the variety and care instructions on it failed to mention that this particular strain belongs to the group of vines known as “Super Villains”, aka “World Dominators”. Our pumpkin is turning into a land-grabbing monster and taking over the backyard.
It’s not the only vine going wild on us. The cucumbers and grape vines are its henchmen, imitating their power-hungry leader by growing right over any plants that get in their way.
We keep trying to shift the pumpkin vines so that they are growing over bare ground, but it’s spreading in every direction. I don’t know if our sweet potatoes or watermelons are going to survive the Attack of the Pumpkin Vine. It’s growing right over them and may swallow up the mound we thought it would share. Apparently it doesn’t care who it has to take out in order to achieve its dreams.
You have to be brutal if you’re going to rule the world.