The Surprising Reason I Sometimes Hate Christmas

Here we go... again.
Is it the most wonderful or the most miserable time of the year?

I love Christmas: the lights, the color, the stories. Christmas is firmly associated with magic. Every holiday special in existence proves that you can count on Christmas for a miracle. Miracles are pleasant surprises, the direct equivalent of good magic.

I also hate Christmas. I could say that the stress of the extra chores coupled with the crowds, traffic, and having to listen to The Little Drummer Boy are what make me crazy, but it’s not. All that stuff adds to my crankiness, but it isn’t the issue.

My problem with Christmas started right after my divorce. I was living alone in a cabin next to a Christmas tree farm. As I sat mourning the life I had thought my marriage would give me, I got to watch excited families as they cut down their trees.

Cheerful couples with glowing children and a tree to decorate; Kodak moments outside my window, every damn day.

Christmas was rubbing my nose in my failures. My life didn’t look anything like the picture-perfect model. I knew I was an outsider, but I hated Christmas because it would not let me forget it.

MixedNutsCover

Then I discovered Nora Ephron’s Mixed Nuts*. This farcical story about a suicide hotline on Christmas Eve is full of black humor, but it’s also about the real trauma of Christmas, about people with broken hearts and broken dreams. Lost, lonely, desperate people just trying to survive the jolliness.

Phillip (played by Steve Martin) explains my problem when he is talking to a man who is standing on a ledge and holding a gun to his own head. He says:

Steve Martin telling it like it is
Phillip (Steve Martin) telling it like it is

“You’re upset because it’s Christmas. Christmas is a time when you look at your life through a magnifying glass and whatever you don’t have feels overwhelming. Being alone is so much lonelier at Christmas. Everything sad is so much sadder at Christmas.”

It’s hard enough to live with the disappointments in my life, but when the holidays begin to magnify what’s missing, it can feel impossible to go on. No wonder I sometimes hate Christmas.

Fortunately, Christmas miracles do happen. I adore the fairyland of Old Town at night, every tree glittering with lights. I smile when I glimpse a neighbor’s decorations through their front window. I experience moments of peace, gratitude, and love in the midst of the insanity of my holiday schedule.

And when I feel my shoulders tensing at some sugar-coated Christmas image, I remind myself it’s just the magnifying glass making me cranky.

*If you haven’t heard of it, don’t worry. Mixed Nuts bombed. (IMDB 5.1; Rotten Tomatoes audience 48%, critics 7%) I don’t understand why people don’t love it. (Are Nora Ephron and I the only ones in the world who feel this way? If so, I am screwed, because she died in June 2012.) It’s been out of print for ages. You can get the DVD via Netflix or a digital copy via Amazon or iTunes. If you do like it, please let me know. I’m feeling a little lonely now that Nora’s gone.

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Published by

Kit Dunsmore

Kit Dunsmore has believed in the magic underlying the muggle world since she was a child searching for the Shetland pony pooka she was sure was hiding in her back yard. She learned early on that books were magic doors into other worlds, and that she could revisit a beloved character or place by opening the right book. As she grew, she decided she wanted to make magic with words, too. Today Kit writes about things she loves: poodles and dragons, witches and artists, quirky underdogs and loyal friends. Whether her setting is 6th-century England, the imaginary Twelve Kingdoms, or an art-obsessed version of modern America, magic always finds its way into her story. She enjoys turning fairy tales inside out and watching characters sacrifice everything to reach their goal, but she also believes in happy endings. When she isn't writing, Kit experiences magic by making things with her hands. Over the years, she's made quilts, fabric sculptures, collages, sweaters, and blank books. Her newest interest is learning how to spin her own yarn, a skill guaranteed to strengthen one of her many delusions: that she is a self-sufficient pioneer woman. She also thinks she is a hobbit, a witch, an artist, and a good cook. Living in the foothills of Colorado, Kit enjoys the giant skies and prairie landscapes which suit her need for wide open spaces. In addition to hiking through glorious scenery with her husband or imagining herself living in the Middle Ages, Kit works as a pillow for her miniature poodle and polishes the next small piece of her handmade life.

2 thoughts on “The Surprising Reason I Sometimes Hate Christmas”

  1. I Love MIXED NUTS! My all time favorite Christmas movie! I love that quote of Phil you posted. You are not alone in enjoying this movie for I lost my mother 10 days before Christmas. I found comfort in finding your blog.

    Sio

    Like

    1. Sorry to hear about your mom, but so glad you have found Mixed Nuts. It gives me great comfort, too. Hope you can find some moments of joy during this crazy holiday!

      Like

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